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reading this article from the Salon today reminded me that as a young child, i often wished my mum would be able to be more like my classmate’s, who was always around to pick her up from school or get her ready for after school activities, or be able to take time off work to make sure i wouldn’t get lost on my very first day at school, which saw me ending up in a class the next academic level up and feeling quite confused. yet, while i craved the parental attention, i am very glad my mum was and has always been financially independent, and that in itself proved to be something that benefited the whole family enormously over the years. it helped us through university/college — my brothers and me — and despite being left quite a lot to our own devices, we turned out alright — as human beings.
these days, thanks to modern well-bred domesticated males and females, parenting is a more collaborative hands-on affair shared by both parents in non-single-parent families, and many companies and institutions are more understanding towards the needs of working parents. however, it is still a tough decision for women who are at the same time also trying to establish and/or sustain their career. i find this reality a constant frustration. i see it in fellow female colleagues, who are at a different life stage from me, and who are both trying to be dedicated to their kids and family while struggling to keep on track with their chosen careers… lagging behind their spouses’, in terms of status and income, quite dramatically. at the same time, as illustrated within this German cultural commentary in the Berliner News it is still not uncommon for very well-educated women with a lot of career potential to give up their hard forged career paths just to raise their children because e.g. a) good childcare is so costly, b) society has not kept up with reality. and the scary bit of reality is that once you ‘opt-out’ it is not easy getting back (even though some governmental-sponsored opportunities in certain continental European nations are specifically targeted for such career-breaks, but these are not the norm).
it is a tough choice: to try to be ‘super’ women, or ‘fail’ miserably in trying to be a bad-ass, or to give up on pursuing your ‘chosen’ career and opting for something that allows you to ‘get-by’ such that the childcare can be taken cared of and your spouse or partner may keep the hunting skills sharpened and you become reliant on a dominant family income earner. and then hope that IFF circumstances arise (e.g. separation, illness, etc. luck forbid!) and you would need to get back into the workforce you may avoid global financial crisis and economic depression, and still land yourself on a decent-paying job with adequate benefits that include some form of retirement plan. furthermore, one should be so lucky if your career prospects are not as dim as it often appear for people who opted out.
while some of the female friends and acquaintances i know have expressed that they’d rather be a stay-at-home mum or a lady of leisure (‘Tai-Tai‘) if they didn’t have to help bring home the bacon, i have never really thought i might get to indulge in such wealth-related ‘luxuries’ nor am i completely sold on that option. the idea of spending 7 days a week throughout many years running errands and chasing after kids and making sure the spouse has what s/he needs — on the huge assumption that the ‘wealthy-enough’ you would not dispose your parental (and traditional household) responsibilities off to daycarers/househelpers etc. — does not sound very appealing. perhaps it’s just the way i’ve been brought up or whatever errands-running i’ve subjected myself to do previously… instead, i would rather spouses realize their necessary active participating role in these parenting and household activities as well, that societies be more understanding towards the demands and needs of modern parents, and that women would have less of a career-family choice dilemma in life. and all these ought to just magically ‘be’, because it doesn’t seem fair to have to just ‘get-by’.
i am easily distracted. and admittedly it is one of my greatest flaws… however, it is also one attribute through which i derive unexpected knowledge and snippets of fun or interesting things.
i learnt about this interview that Kerry Miller from the Mid Morning programme on the Minnesota Public Radio did, in which Daniel Pink debunks the carrot and stick approach, from a different interview she also did this week that discussed the brain and biotechnology. i haven’t yet read the book but from the discussion, Daniel Pink offers a thesis that resonates with Maslow’s theory of the Hierarchy of Human Needs. Maslow, an eminent social psychologist of his era, proposed that once our basic needs are satisfied, we crave for higher means of finding fulfilment and, to borrow his term, becoming ‘Self-actualized‘ beings.
i’ve had my share of working experience with different supervisors and mentors and can quite confidently say that it doesn’t require a genius to figure out that there are some people you’d rather have as bosses and others you’d avoid at all costs. but that aside, it is also about how you shape and find your own motivations, too. afterall, life is not just about work, although at times it can feel that way. but a positively conducive social environment can certainly help to make sure that the delicate balance of work and life is maintained. needless to say, beyond the bread and butter and a roof over one’s head, we seek more than just mere survival. we want to feel good about ourselves!
and to this end, we have: Two questions that can change your life from Daniel Pink on Vimeo.
i missed the live address that US President Barack Obama gave Congress on Tuesday. Such important speeches appear to be always delivered on a Tuesday, during working hours. reviewing it online on NewYorkTimes tonight made me teary. i must have gotten my emotional gene alleles from both my mum and dad… the genetic potency, when combined, seems to have made me doubly emotional for whatever reasons and offers a potential explanation for my propensities for being a little over empathetic, at times (particularly when watching horrors and thrillers).
in my opinion, there has never been a more eloquent orator in modern times than Mr President. he delivered yet another well sculpted speech that addressed the crucial issues facing USA today, and so rightfully reminded the Americans what and where their seemingly forgotten values are. indeed, he was wise to emphasize on family values that epitomizes the American tradition i have come to know, at least during my stay in the state of Minnesota. how ironic, it might seem, that it is away from home (in a country whose certain popular media would offer a differing perspective) where i learnt that open but close-knit family traditions are valued highly. it is also in the American Mid-West that i got to witness such genuine family bonding.
“These education policies will open the doors of opportunity for our children. But it is up to us to ensure they walk through them. In the end, there is no program or policy that can substitute for a parent — for a mother or father who will attend those parent/teacher conferences, or help with homework, or turn off the TV, put away the video games, read to their child. (Applause.) I speak to you not just as a President, but as a father, when I say that responsibility for our children’s education must begin at home. That is not a Democratic issue or a Republican issue. That’s an American issue. (Applause.)
There is, of course, another responsibility we have to our children. And that’s the responsibility to ensure that we do not pass on to them a debt they cannot pay. (Applause.) That is critical. I agree, absolutely. See, I know we can get some consensus in here. (Laughter.)”
yet the issues he raised are not just a priority for the Americans. responsibility for our children is a universal one.
i have always been excited about the prospect of an Obama presidency from the start, even though i do worry for his safety and wellbeing. his progressive and practical views are not just his desirable traits. i think it rare, in times like today, to find ourselves (the USA and the world) being led by someone who is not only the epitome of internationalism but also of traditional values and moral upbringing. and he is not afraid to show his love and affection for those he care and admire, and above all, respect:
“Madam Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, the First Lady of the United States — (applause) — she’s around here somewhere.“
you do not see this very often in men with power; the open if not public acknowledgement of affection and respect for their spouse. it is very endearing to see the US President treating his wife, Michelle Obama, as an equal and with such endearment.
it is likely that a year from this Tuesday past, the 4th Nov 2008, Garrison Keillor of The Writer’s Almanac might have a blurb about the particular day when an American defy history to become the first black President-elect in the US of A. there will be mentions of his unique childhood and loving grandparents and the improbable journey he took to get to the Senate, and the even more improbable journey he made together with impressive finesse and inspirational grassroots campaigning to outwit seasoned political players, and win the presidential election. there might even be mentions that the victory sent a resounding seismic wave of joy and hope around the globe, amidst the worst global economic crisis of the recent decades. and there will be a poem, for sure, for the day.
dear monoceros has been real upbeat about the US elections and i’ve been riding along on her contagious excitement! like so many people, i am thrilled to witness such a historic and emotional moment. and as we move on to grapple with the next arduous journey and pressing challenges that the new president-elect and his team face, or as we continue to deal with the urgent distractions in our lives… there are some memories of these many exciting past months i want to remember at a later time… like the sleek and fun website and all the media, the election day speeches, the videos, oh the videos! and the inspiring campaign speeches… but above all, i want to remember that at times when darkness and cynicism threaten to mar our dreams, we can still do our best to work hard and not give up on HOPE.
i am all excited despite being stressed out… my friend J is wearing her white gown next friday… and i’ve been invited! weddings are much smaller events in the ‘western’ world and it is therefore quite an honour to be part of the guest list! what’s really nice about european/western weddings is the social part of it… the dancing and music that is much neglected in asian weddings, which on the other hand, have amazing culinary treats to delight! in any case, it’s a great excuse for me to get as much writing as i could done and have a wee break at the celebration party! i’ve got a dress i could wear, shoes, and a date (wow!)… but i have no idea what i should do with my silly messy hair!
while google-ling for ideas… this brilliant NYT article popped up… it wasn’t really what i was looking for… BUT… who doesn’t enjoy a good laugh?! =)
“Literary and Historical Notes:
Today is May Day, a day on which you should wash your face with morning dew to keep yourself looking young and beautiful. You should also gather wildflowers and green branches, make some floral garlands, and set up a Maypole to dance around.”
who’s up for a wheelin’ around with me?
5 years ago, i was just settling into the historical city of Tübingen… in fact, i remember spending the first months sleeping on my camping air-mat laid over a few duvets in what would become my room for the next 2 yrs of my stint in germany… i had an eucalyptus tree and a garden bench for company… and the slanted roof for cosiness… and living out of my big yellow north-face duffle-bag. classes have already begun at the graduate school… and i got home that afternoon, quite despondent over all the many facts i wish i knew and the work i had to do and the frustration of being in a foreign country and not really able to utter more than “Nah? Wie war dein Tag?!” to my land-lady-flatmate… or to anyone else i knew.
i popped into the living room to find ute sitting in front of her beloved telly… and said hello… she sat me down to watch the horrifying news in german… news of the madness that blew over new york just hours before i got home… i was kinda confused and not quite sure what’s being blabbered on the news and it took me like 10 minutes to figure out that my brother could be in danger (or ?!)… and so i tried to call him in NY but i couldn’t get though… & panicked… then i decided that maybe my family at home would know of something… so i called them… and boy was i relieved to hear he’s fine… but trapped in his office building… until further notice.
i never really figured out what actually happened… because it’s not always easy to ask people about it. but i got to speak to my brother a week later and he told me that it was surreal; seeing the 2nd plane crash into the 2nd tower… people throwing themselves out, … everything collapsing.
so much has happened since… and yet somehow… ground-zero remains a stark reminder of the many gaping holes in hearts that remain too much to bear… not just in america, but in iraq, in sudan (because of the war in iraq; many UN military were unavailable to be sent to help stop the humanitarian crisis there), in spain, in london, in israel, in lebanon, in so many other places…
with all the build-up to the memorial day… i got to watch a documentary film about New York last week while randomly switching channels… and learnt about the controversies about the twin-towers and the architectural designing and building of the world’s tallest buildings… some ironies as to their economic purpose and the revival of the lower Manhattan, some amazing engineering triumphs, the spell-binding high-wire walker performance by the french, Philippe Petit, and the gradual attraction of the towers to tourists, business, and their eventual destruction and the carnage…
the recount of the event 5 yrs ago in pictures spoke more than what words could appropriately describe… it is very sad in a multi-faceted way… but i think some positive things have emerged too, albeit being overshadowed by the apparent senseless war(s)…
somewhere amidst the ugly madness… is the amazing human capacity to will ourselves to cope with adversity… the celebration of the simple yet profound things in life; like being able to call my brother in NY even though he doesn’t always return my calls… and perhaps a reminder that how we journey through our transient (and interconnected) existence is what we make out of it… carpe diem.
yeah… i am looking forward to returning to scotland and spending some time in smoke-free scottish pubs some day, soon i hope… it will be rather odd not to see the fog of smoke in some pubs and to be able to breathe while i enjoy my wee drink! hmmmm…
but there’s so much still to do… frets.
they are dying out! those lovely red double-decks are part of my memories of visiting London for the very first time some, oh gosh, 13 years back!… those lovely red double-decks, the icon of london… they will no longer run… sob.
little kids at the hospital day-care were just visiting for trick-or-treats and i suppose, i should join in the ‘festivities’ with my happy-pumkin, carved a year ago during my visit to ruth’s cute little home at portobello beach… and enjoying some sparklers by the sea…
maybe i should try to make a pumpkin pie…
