if i could keep doing that… and assuming that one could accumulate or create sufficient positivity (e.g. feeling of self-achievement / productivity / learning something / doing something good for the community / etc.) each day to fuel the following day… there is a good possibility that i’ll keep “moving forward”!
i am easily distracted. and admittedly it is one of my greatest flaws… however, it is also one attribute through which i derive unexpected knowledge and snippets of fun or interesting things.
i learnt about this interview that Kerry Miller from the Mid Morning programme on the Minnesota Public Radio did, in which Daniel Pink debunks the carrot and stick approach, from a different interview she also did this week that discussed the brain and biotechnology. i haven’t yet read the book but from the discussion, Daniel Pink offers a thesis that resonates with Maslow’s theory of the Hierarchy of Human Needs. Maslow, an eminent social psychologist of his era, proposed that once our basic needs are satisfied, we crave for higher means of finding fulfilment and, to borrow his term, becoming ‘Self-actualized‘ beings.
i’ve had my share of working experience with different supervisors and mentors and can quite confidently say that it doesn’t require a genius to figure out that there are some people you’d rather have as bosses and others you’d avoid at all costs. but that aside, it is also about how you shape and find your own motivations, too. afterall, life is not just about work, although at times it can feel that way. but a positively conducive social environment can certainly help to make sure that the delicate balance of work and life is maintained. needless to say, beyond the bread and butter and a roof over one’s head, we seek more than just mere survival. we want to feel good about ourselves!
and to this end, we have: Two questions that can change your life from Daniel Pink on Vimeo.
my count-down to twenty-ten in this wet Scottish city of Glasgow was the most unspectacular of all new year’s eves ever had…
but it was quite ‘memorable’, only because i had to endure one of the worst headaches i’ve ever experienced while being suffocated in a living room with more Asians than i’ve ever surrounded myself with at any one time (apart from Chinese New Year’s at home) who were either more eager to sing their lungs out (even after having had a karaoke marathon for the previous 6 hours!) and deprive me of the little oxygen that was left in the area, or they were too engaged in their ‘national’ sport on a mini ping pong table to be able to do anything else. to add further misery to the ordeal, there was no count-down nor any enthusiasm for it (!), which left me feeling quite short-changed!
it seemed a little sad not to witness the obligatory fireworks nor to sip mulled wine while welcoming the new year. in addition to this rather unfortunate circumstance… initial plans to meet up with R in Portobello on new year’s day were cancelled abruptly… the start of 2010 has got to be better than this, i tell myself.
new year’s morning came and went. i slept in like a baby… waking up without the nasty headache, but a little sulky from the knowledge that the planned walk along the beach in the north of Edinburgh was not going to happen on what seemed like a rather lovely clear day… a feeling of regret seeped into my consciousness. … i could have gotten onto a plane last weekend either to the US or SG… to either celebrate the new year with A or attend the wedding of a friend and see family… *sigh*… however, living like a conjunctive didn’t make me feel any better.
i tried contemplating on the Open House at L’s that i had planned on going in Edinburgh… it would be fun, i coaxed myself. i could meet some new friends or re-acquaint myself with old familiar faces… and it’s unlikely that they will have karaoke! i called L to see how late their Open House would go on for and figured that arriving later wouldn’t be so terrible.
with some determination to make what seemed like a rubbish situation better, i got my act together. i did some laundry, baked a cake, and hopped into my Zippy-friend and drove the hour-long journey to good auld Edinburgh to visit L and i actually felt a million times better! there was no karaoke!!! and there was palatable food (i.e. no strange piggy anatomy, which are apparently part of the ‘normal’ Chinese cuisine in certain regions of China/Southeast Asia, that i dare not even consume) and fun games that engaged everyone… that’s more like a party i am used to attending! i also got to reacquaint myself with some old faces from undergraduate days… and was actually able to feel like a normal part of the ‘society’! it was certainly quite reassuring.
on my drive home, i listened to the BBC4 Radio programme: “Great Lives”, which reflected on Hannah Arendt’s life (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00pftm7) and her various (political, philosophical, and identity) struggles as a Jew in Hitler’s era… i couldn’t help but find myself being reminded of how i’ve struggled with my identity as an Asian, while living abroad… it is a complicated one for i’ve never really been terribly fond of cliques; racial or otherwise. while there is some sense of ‘security’ to be amongst fellow Asians, i also find it asphyxiating and a little in denial to be trying to recreate a sense of familiarity in a ‘foreign’ place. in my opinion, it could never be quite the same and rather than isolating oneself from the locals by mingling only with Asians, i’ve actually found it more educational mixing with the ‘locals’ or others… or perhaps i am just grossly repelled by quite a lot of Asians’ fondness for karaoke!
oh well, i hope you guys had a good start to 2010! and Happy New Adventures to you all!
i’ve been neglecting my wee space here for the last few months while trying desperately to sort out trans-atlantic relocation logistics. it has never been this complicated… but i have also accumulated more (physical and metaphorical) baggage over the years. it occurred to me — when talking to people who have not lived in any other country other than the one they grew up in — that i must seem rather crazy to have lived, relocated, and made various cities home for a while… perhaps one only begin to have such fears and worries … or to anticipate such feelings with age and ‘wisdom’! often times, i envy those who are happy where they are… happy that they know where they’d rather be.
i want to say that while i had not previously imagine living in the suburban Midwest, nor bearing her excruciatingly cold winters, or tolerating her lack of architectural splendour that distinctively characterizes many historical cities of Europe or her serious lack of dramatic hills and skyscapes like those of bonny Scotland, i did find myself growing fonder of many aspects of life in Minnesota… and the NICE people who made my stay quite memorable.
“I Want to Say”
I Want to Say
Before I’m lost to time and the midwest
I want to say I was here
I loved the half light all winter
I want you to know before I leave
that I liked the towns living along the back of the Mississippi
I loved the large heron filling the sky
the slender white egret at the edge of the shore
I came to love my life here
fell in love with the color grey
the unending turn of seasons
Let me say
I loved Hill City
the bench in front of the tavern
the small hill to the lake
I loved the morning frost on the bell in New Albin
and the money I made as a poet
I was thankful for the white night
the sky of so many wet summers
Before I leave this whole world of my friends
I want to tell you I loved the rain on large store windows
had more croissants here in Minneapolis
than the French do in Lyons
I read the poets of the midwest
their hard crusts of bread dark goat cheese
and was nourished not hungry where they lived
I ate at the edges of state lines and boundaries
Know I loved the cold the tap of bare branches against windows
know there will not be your peonies in spring
wherever I go
the electric petunias
and your orange zinniasby Natalie Goldberg
from Top of My Lungs. © The Overlook Press.
C is for Cindy
who patiently listened to what seemed like verbal diarrhoea when i tried to practice for my viva…
and who positively picks up the bits of stuff i don’t have time to complete.
C is for a kind of courageous resilience that C, who is mentioned above, epitomises.
C exists for the craziness in all our daily struggles, and then some more…
C sounds similar to the word “sea”, which conjures up images of the latter’s companion; waves… and their vast eloquence and inexhaustible vocabulary of water in motion.
C becomes an abbreviation for “see” in “C U” and “I C”… when one is lazy to spell and write it all out.
C is for cat, its insatiable feline curiosity, and whose adventures that never seem to cease.
above and beyond that apparent whimsy,
C is for compassion.
L is for Lennie
who ungrudgingly clears away my trash bin every evening;
who provides prospective weather updates;
who very subtly chides me for staying at work till much too late;
who actually notices the untold stories;
who seems much too preoccupied with his cleaning to know;
who actually thinks he’s going to miss my not being around…
“I can’t believe you are leaving!” L cried.
neither could I, honestly…
“Write to the Dr. guy”, he said me.
“I’d like to keep in touch!” he insisted.
“You’ll hear from me…”
“You’ll be here on Monday, won’t you?”
“Uh huh…”
L is for learning
that people do care.
i spent saturday reading outdoors… while waiting for my laundry to be done. it turned out to be quite a pleasant way to get through a rather tediously long article that i had been struggling to read. i will miss the sunny days here in MN when i do leave this part of the world. one takes the brightness here for granted because even in the deep, mind-bogglingly cold winters, the sun is still a frequent visitor.
i’ve been travelling quite a bit lately… within the country and between countries.
the month of May saw me and A visiting Bayfield for a much needed spa-getaway up to the Superior Northshore. i seem to find myself travelling up there quite a lot. this time, it’s the Wisconsin side of the great lake that we explored. in the small-town, coastal setting, we stayed at the eco-friendly Pinehurst Inn, which is owned and run by a lovely couple. the house sauna and organic breakfast spread were not the only highlights! many of the rooms come with a gas fireplace, a whirlpool bath complemented with organic bath salts, and access to the real spa — in case we felt the need for further indulgence. we rented bicycles and took the ferry to Madeline Island. all was very pleasant except for the one disappointment: the new local restaurant, Wild Rice, that i’ve heard so much about and was very much anticipated, was still closed for the season! we made do with dining at Maggies, whose quirky and flamboyantly pink flamingo-themed interiors (which also included a moving toy train display above the bar) did, surprisingly, offer pretty decent food. what i enjoyed most was the quick bite we got at the hippy Big Water Cafe, and the beautifully soothing vanilla Earl-Grey latte i had.
i also made a trip to Scotland in May… primarily visiting the University of Glasgow, although i did take the train to Edinburgh for an afternoon’s visit. in Edinburgh, i met up with my academic supervisors/mentors/friends, who were very kind not only because they made time for my visit
and inquired about my assessment of the offer from Glasgow etc., but also because they fed me a very lovely lunch, as well as offered me tea and homemade cakes. i was quite spoilt, indeed.
the weather in Scotland was miserably soggy and cold, which admittedly made me feel rather down and somewhat despondent about the Glaswegian climate, especially when it had been sunny back in the Twin-Cities. it also didn’t help knowing that it is comparatively sunnier and drier in Edinburgh. while in Scotland, i also had the opportunity to catch up with L, with whom i had many cuppas during our postgrad-days, and who had spent most of 2008 in HK and just returned to the UK.
in June, i made yet another trip up north, with C and K and a visiting scholar from Oxford, to see the Split Rock Lighthouse and Lake Superior, after a brief stop at my favourite cafe, The New Scenic Cafe, along the scenic drive. we had a lovely afternoon exploring the area, enjoyed a large spread of delectable edibles for our outdoor picnic, and scrambled atop rocky formations for a better view of the magnificent lake.
i wonder where the rest of June and the following months would take me…
… i made a terribly difficult decision over the weekend… and can only hope it is for the best… =(
that could be my 6-word memoir for April 09. i long for June to arrive. or if that can’t come quick enough, i wish that May would be here instead.
life at work has been increasingly, well, challenging… socially. i’ve always found that work itself, whatever it may be, is ALWAYS less challenging than people. and when people of different backgrounds, culture, and ethos come together, you can get quite a lot of awkward tensions.
there’s also the constant frustration of ‘demonstrating’ progress and work that is not willingly shared by others, the lack of transparency, the lack of consistency in shared knowledge, etc. this frustration is intensified in the current climate of job-cuts and everyone else trying to prove their worth…
that aside, i am still trying to find other career opportunities, with little luck or options for further exploration. or if there were, it isn’t certain if i stood much of a chance. i keep sending the applications, hoping for a real contact, the prospects of a face-to-face conversation of possibilities… but perhaps there’s just something i am not doing quite right… and then there’re still distant-learning lessons and exams still to be completed…
all such madness in April and in May… but mostly in April and the unwritten obligations are making me long for June to arrive sooner… hoping that life would regain some ‘normalcy’ and am looking forward to a real vacation someday during which i don’t have to worry about work, obligations, and simply enjoy a few days of my insignficant existence…
